No, no, I am not going to give him Nicolas Cage, the Actor. No. What I am going to give my Dad is this news: He's taking a break from making movies!!
One of the funniest things to me is my father's loathing for Mr. Cage. I never thought much about ol' bastard Nic before the time my Dad went off on a rant about how much he disliked this guy. Before that day, Nicolas Cage was just a rather dull-looking actor with a voice I hated who was in some movies I could tolerate. OK. One movie I could tolerate. Raising Arizona. But that's it. Never gave the guy much thought at all.
But then Dad was talking about, I think, the commercials for National Treasure. He said something about how stupid the premise looks, and how only an "asshole like Nicolas Cage" would sign on to do it. And he proceeded to tell me and my sister how terrible an actor NC was, and how he didn't know how such an "uncharismatic bastard" could get so much work and be in so many movies. "He's not talented. He just stands there with that same dull look on his face like he's brain damaged, talking in that lazy, 'uhhhh, I don't know, uhhhh' voice," my Dad said. "I can't STAND Nicolas Cage. I just can't STAND him."
So ever since that hilarious conversation, I too dislike Nicolas Cage. I do agree with my Dad, although I am not as passionate with my distain. I mostly laugh every time I see the guy. Those new commercials for the movie where he plays a guy who rides a motorcyle around with his skull-head on fire? They make me chuckle. I think of my Dad seeing that commercial and saying to himself, "Finally, a look that bastard can pull off-- a head and face that are on fire. I like that. Wish his face WOULD catch fire, that son of a bitching, uncharismatic bastard."
Merry Christmas, Father. I give you the glorious tidings of a future without Nicolas Cage movies! Rejoice! (insert choirs of angels singing here)
12 comments:
Thank God.
My dad really liked National Treasure, though...he's still hoping for the extended play version...
Don't forget dad's best NC quote,"That guy looks like he should be slicing meat in some deli somewhere!".
Yay!
National Treasure was a very bland movie. My 9 year old liked the movie though, so I can live with it.
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I don't think I have ever put much thought into Nicholas Cage. I recently saw him in "World Trade Center" and that was very good. Other than that, I guess I am neither here nor there with him. There are worse actors I could think of though.
That is funny though how your dad reacts to him. My dad is the same way. He gets so passionate about it too! ha ha
"That guy looks like he should be slicing meat in some deli somewhere!" Bwah! Your dad is hilarious.
My personal reason for hating Nicolas Cage is that he gives Superman fans a bad name. I don't care how big of a fan you are, it takes a real asshole to saddle your kid with a name like Kal-El.
Every time I see Nic Cage's face now I say what it looks like he's ALWAYS thinking. "[pout], I didn't get to play Superman! And now I'm too old! [pout] I would've been killer, too! Guess I'll just play Ghost Rider. [pout]"
Seriously, your dad cracks me up.
Oh Lisa, every day I just love you more and more. And if I knew your father, I'm sure the same phenomenon would hold true. I like his taste in adjectives.
Um...Raising Arizona is hilarious.
Raising Arizona IS hilarious. But did you happen to catch him in Wicker Man? TERRIBLE. Terrible, awful, totally sucky movie. I can't believe anyone ever green-lighted it, and I hope whoever did got his ass fired and sent back to Hoboken.
Jen-- I hope for the sake of the majority that they don't come out with an extended version of National Treasure. I heard it made a lot of money overseas, though, so...
Trish-- Thanks for that! I couldn't remember what he said N.Cage should be doing, so thanks for reminding us. I am laughing out loud just thinking of that!
Anonymous-- Nine year olds are never too young to be introduced to better actors and movies! :)
Naynayfazz-- Yeah, my Dad was surprisingly strong in his conviction that Nicolas Cage is a worthless run-of-the-mill bastard. You could argue that his, um, "everyman" qualities are what got him cast in World Trade Center, but then again that was Oliver Stone and he isn't necessarily the best slicer in the deli either.
Fraulein N-- THANK YOU for bringing up the Kal-El thing!!! I am also so mad at him for that. What the hell...? What's his next move, naming his next kid Zod? Oh, and I am glad my Dad cracks you up. It is pretty funny that he gets like this.
Lengli-- Our love is meant to be. As you can see, it was in my genetics to have comedic tastes (and adjective skills) that would please the legendary Lengli.
Pixie-- Yup! Raising Arizona does crack me up. I hope you watch it and learn some parenting skills, such making sure your kid gets his "Dip-Tet" shots and doesn't write "FART" on the paneling.
Brooke-- You are hereby awarded a Medal of Bravery for sitting through that Wicker Man malarkey. You know what else was stupid? City of Angels. It could have worked with a more--angelic--actor. Maybe.
But what about Moonstruck? No?
Ronny Cammareri: This was painted by Marc Chagall. And, as you can see, he was a very great artist.
Loretta Castorini: It's kind of little gaudy, don't you think?
Ronny Cammareri: Well, he was havin' some fun.
Not that he's my favorite or anything..but I did like him in Lord of War.
I wonder if, somehow, I could be your father. I can't stand that prick.
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