This is old, but a couple of weeks ago Greg and I were walking into Walmart for some late-night shopping, and we saw some shopping carts in the lot. That's not an unusual occurence; shopping carts kind of live in places like Walmart.
I don't remember exactly how it happened, but there was talk about two different kinds of shopping carts. And somehow we were talking about shopping carts mating, or something. I seriously don't recall the details, or how we ended up talking about this, but I do know that as we were nearing the doors and getting ready to go in, I said:
"They like to go with their own shpeeshies." (That's supposed to be 'species.')
Now I have been saying shpeeshies ever since. I wonder why I said that. I do admit I have a lisp, but it's not a big, obvious "shhhh" lisp. I learned how to fake my "s"s a long time ago. I had to come up with something so the people at school would let me stop going to speech class. Speech class made me feel like a retard. I'd have to leave class to go down to the Speech Room. And sit there and practice saying "s" words for a really long time. Lots of talk about Sally, and her shells she sells at the seashore. And snakes. Christ, they loved making me say sentences with "snakes" in it.
Come to think of it, I never did really convince them with my improvised "s" technique. I only stopped going to speech class when I went off to a school that didn't have it anymore. I don't know if that is sad or not. My money is on sad.
4 comments:
When my mom was a kid, she went to speech classes for 8 years, because she couldn't say her "r"s, and she was about to age out of the speech & language program when on the last day, there was a new speech teacher who told her that it was simply the position of her tongue that determined the "r" sound. She never had trouble with "r"s again, but I always laugh when I imagine my mom trying to say "ruler." Because I'm a bitch.
Hi Ms. Armsweat:
I found you from tinabellina.
My daughter had a lisp until she was five. I don't know how she grew out of it, but it may have been when her permanent teeth grew in.
With or without a lisp, most people pronounce SOMETHING wrong. For instance, I can't pronounce "sword." I can never remember if the "w" is silent or not, so it often comes out "swu-rd." Also I can't say foi gras. Fortunately for me, foi gras and swords arnen't things I need to discuss often.
Hi Armsweat, I found you from a poe family. How are those holes in yo shoes?
Anyway, I didn't know you had a speech issues. Well, I guess I wouldn't know this being that I never heard you talk! And I doubt this would've been something Trish and I discussed in high school.
I like the word "shpeeshies". However, being the sick f*** that I am, I kind of think it sounds dirty. Is that weird?
Btw, I have an awesome job interview on Monday at a Broadway theater. Can you imagine working at a broadway theater every day? As they say in A Chorus Line... "God I hope I get it! " :)
Tinabellina-- It's all in the tongue. If you can use the right tongue action, you can get almost anything right. Heh.
My sister had a little friend when she was in first grade who couldn't say "r"s, either. She called my sister "Twish". To this day, I still love imitating that little girl's voice. Hilarious!
Leezer-- Hello, and welcome. Any referral from tinabellina is a friend of mine. Anyway, I am glad for your sake that you don't have to say sword and foi gras very often; I can't even begin to list the words I have trouble pronouncing. I can't say the name "Donahue" very easily. I am better than I used to be, when it used to come out "DonaWHO." Still...talking is HARD. :)
Naynayfazz-- I left you a comment on your blog, but I am very excited about your job interview. It sounds so friggin' awesome! I can't wait to hear you tell us all how it goes. I'll be thinking of you Monday!
Shpeeshies does sound dirty, somehow, doesn't it? Then again, I think "bundt cake" sounds like a euphemism for something, so...
(PS: Good thing Trish--aka TWISH-- never talked about my lisp. It would have gotten back to me and I would have to search her room for more embarassing tapes of her singing. She knew that, I think.)
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