The Pergola, the Hair in the Projector and Me: My Weekend

I’m sick of having headaches. I am on Day 2 of a bad one right now. It’s likely a migraine, but it seems to be centered around my right eye. I probably have glaucoma or a brain tumor. Never a dull moment! Stupid headaches and stupid possible glaucoma or brain tumor.

Despite the headache, it was a decent weekend. I sealed our pergola. Which sounds like something dirty. “And then we got busy sealin’ the pergola, if you know what I mean!” It’s a redwood structure Greg built off the back of our house and up until this weekend, the wood had never been treated. I had already sealed the other redwood items on our property (two planter boxes and a redwood and bamboo screen by the pool to hide the filter), and I have been meaning to do the pergola ever since. I finally got to start it on Friday after work—got out of work early, changed into my ugly painting clothes, pulled out the ladder and started the project.

It takes a LONG time to seal a pergola. Keep this in mind the next time you build a pergola. Factor in seal-time. I had only finished about 1/6 of the thing by the time the sun went down and I couldn’t work anymore. So, on Saturday morning I got out there early and picked up where I left off. For some reason, I estimated that I would be finished by 11:00, 11:30. Nope. I wasn’t done until sometime around 2:30. And I was so tired of sealing the pergola I wanted to kick something by that point!

I think it took so long just because a pergola is pretty intricate. All the little wood crossbeams have multiple surfaces to cover; and there is maybe a foot of space between the crossbeams for me to fit my head, shoulders and upper torso through so I could brush the sealer onto the wood on the very top. I’d brush the sealer onto as many surfaces as I could reach, climb down a few steps, do the undersides, and then move the ladder. Over and over again. Just so damn time consuming. Not hard work, I don’t think, but it’s definitely maddening work. Especially when you realize that a long drip you didn’t see before has been making its way quietly down the other side of a plank while you were busy working on another section of the pergola. So you have to go back and try to “blend” it in somehow. And all the while, you are constantly knocking your giant German cranium into the crossbeams as you go up and down the ladder. I knocked the base of my skull so many times as I headed back down the ladder. Could my headache woes be from the constant banging of my head?

I’d say no. I didn’t really hit my head hard; just repeatedly. More likely, the relentless sun and the hours of working without eating probably contributed quite a bit. I have a sunburned forehead, nose and back of the neck, and my arms are splotchy because I didn’t quite apply the sunblock evenly, it turns out. I’m a dummy. I also only used SPF 15, which is like using nothing, really. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I was focused — I was going to get my ass out of the house and seal that goddamned pergola if it killed me. So is it any surprise that it almost did kill me? I think not, good sir!

Anyway, the pergola looks awesome if I don’t say so myself. It looks very redwoody now. I celebrated my accomplishment with a long shower and nap. Naps make me happy.

Yesterday, Greg and I went to the Phoenix Film Festival for a few hours. We missed a lot of the festival, but we are planning to go back tonight and Wednesday to check out a few more films. I was so psyched to get not one but two press passes to the event. I wrote a couple of articles about the PFF and film in Arizona a couple months ago, and I kind of forgot the PFF was coming up so soon. When I realized it on Friday night, I took a chance and wrote to one of my contacts there and asked her if it was too late to get a press pass, and she called me back ten minutes later to say no, it wasn’t too late, and two press passes would be waiting for me at the press check-in. Sweet!! These passes give us unlimited access, so we don’t have to purchase passes or tickets to anything. Plus, we got vouchers for free drinks (always a plus) and t-shirts. It’s so cool getting freebies. We had a good time.

The movie we saw was a feature called “Swedish Auto.” It was about a mechanic played by Lukas Haas. It was a romantic drama, I think. I have such a hard time classifying movies. If anything, it reminded me of the tone of “The Station Agent.” Which I liked. So it was a decent movie and it was cool to see something like this, which may or may not get full distribution.

Two things were weird, though: One was the Hair in the Projector. Good God, is all I can say.

Apparently a “hair” was stuck in the projector and it was bothering the director, who was in attendance. So a few times during the opening of the movie, the screen would go black and a guy came out to tell us what was going on. It seemed like they got the hair out, but that didn’t stop them from blacking out the screen again to try again…I guess the hair was still stuck in there, even though I sure as hell couldn’t see it. I doubt 99% of the audience could see it, either. The final blow came about a half hour into the film, when once more the screen went dark and the lights came up. Everyone groaned, and the same guy from before came out and said, “The director has requested we stop the film momentarily to remove the hair.” They FINALLY got it, I guess, because the movie started up again a minute later.

But man, what a way to ruin your own movie, Director! It’s hard to believe he thought it would be better to black out the screen and interrupt the mood, flow and pace of the story just so you can get a friggin’ miniscule ‘hair’ out of the projector, rather than just let it go and let the movie itself play out. The hair itself looked like nothing more than a little scratch on the one side of the film…you didn’t even notice it unless you really looked for it. But I guess the hair distracted from the pristine gorgeousness of the director’s “vision” and so, the audience paid the price. Stupid movie, guy.

The second weird thing was that Lukas Haas appeared to be sitting right in front of us. When he came in, I spotted his big ears and eyes right away, even though he was hiding under a hat and glasses. I don’t think anyone realized the star of the movie was sitting right there. The weird thing was, Greg motioned that “he was the guy from before.” There had been an asshole dancing in a show-offy, “look at me, aren’t I so funny” way outside of the event, blocking the walkway with his shenanigans. I hadn’t paid much attention to the dancing jerk, but apparently, Lukas Haas was the dancing jerk if you put two and two together. Never would have thought the little boy from Witness would grow up to act like THIS!

So that was our weekend. Tonight, we are going back to the festival to see a screening of “Year of the Dog.” OF COURSE I am dying to see this one! I was really excited to see it on the schedule for the festival, since it was one I planned to pay money for. Check out that link, especially all the dog people who read this here blog-thing.

In my next blog, I may share a little of my hatred for Iron Man Arizona. They should call it Iron Selfish Jerks Arizona, and I might tell you why I think that, if I feel like reliving some sheer torture and frustration any time soon. Suffice to say, Iron Man Arizona is NOT COOL. Trust me!