CRUISE POST-MORTEM

Well, we did it. We cruised. And when our honeymoon/anniversary cruise came to a close on Friday, we were both quite ready to get off the boat.

It wasn't that the cruise totally sucked. It didn't. The boat was very nice, we had a great room with a cool balcony, and the food at the buffet was pretty damn good. The problem is, we are just not the kind of people who are designed to go on cruises. I think we both knew this on some level going in, but we stayed upbeat and hopeful that it would be very cool once we gave it a try.

Don't get me wrong...we had a wonderful time together. When we were off on our own at the ports of call, we had a lot of fun, took tons of pictures and had a good time just being us. It's just that it sucked in a big way whenever it was time to get back on the boat and give up our short-lived independence. It was much better when we were not dealing with the Cruise People, is all.

Ah, jeez. These people...! First of all, the majority of them were old and/or Asians, and I feel confident in saying that none of them could possibly be in the upper tiers of their families' gene pools. People do not know how to queue up for anything--they more or less mob up, and hope everyone can get through a door at the same moment. They think they can just jump in and grab food all willy-nilly at the buffets. After standing out in the hot sun for 40 minutes waiting for a ferry boat, and finally reaching the ramp to board the boat, they would do dumb things like take that time to stop and stare at some fish down in the water (mind you, they had ALL DAY to look at fish in the water by this point) and chatter in some other language as the people behind them in line are about to strangle them for holding everyone up. In general, I realized that I just don't like people all that much, especially when I have to spend so much time in close proximity to so many of them. I get a little crazy-eyed, I think. And a little stabby. Good thing I didn't have my knives.

The cruiseline staff isn't much better. What the HELL is the deal with taking your photo whenever you board or get off the boat? It's like they carefully considered just how perfectly this practice would slow down the process and annoy as many people as possible. Of course, the Cruise People seemed to LOVE getting their photos taken, and would stop and gather their cruisin' partners and pose for the pushy photographers like they had all the time in the world. And the silly mandatory safety drill was chaotic. We stood in place with safety vests on waiting for something to happen, and nothing really did, and then afterwards the tiny hallways were absolutely crammed with slowly-plodding people for the next twenty minutes as everyone shuffled back to their rooms. Which begs the question: is that how the hallways of the ship would be had it been an actual emergency? Oh, Christ. Everyone's gonna die. All because people are big dumb animals and a cruise ship is a poorly-designed holding pen.

There was a nice, stinky casino on board, too, full of gray-colored old smokers and frantic Red Hat Society ladies betting on those crazy slots! Right next to the duty-free shops that sold nothing but expensive tacky jewelry, old lady clothes and perfume, and overpriced souvenirs. We did enjoy a little piano bar for awhile...until the drunkies showed up and proceeded to destroy the mellow mood with their loud drunkenness. Or the other time we went there, and the late "show" got out and people filed through the piano bar in another slow-moving wave of idiots; a long line of idle chatter, walkers, and Asians in hip Harajuku Lovers clothes that seemed to be without end...

OK! On the positive side, we took a ferry over to Coronado Island while we were docked in San Diego, and that was a nice time. We rented bikes and rode out to the hotel where Greg proposed. The next day we were on Catalina Island, which really impressed me. I wasn't so much impressed with the touristy strip of stores along the harbor in Avalon, but I was into the history of the island and the fact that 88% of it will never be developed because it is a nature conservancy. We went on a tour of the historic Catalina Casino (not an actual gambling casino; it was really a theater and dance hall) and took lots of photos. Our final stop was in Ensenada, Mexico, and that was fun in its own way, too. Maybe not as picturesque and relaxing as the other two destinations, but still okay. We went on a bus tour to see "La Bufadora" and survived walking through the open air market, where we were repeatedly accosted by yelling Mexican store vendors handing us coupons for their stores and urging us to come in and see their sterling silver or leather handbags.

After that, we left the tour group after we got a free beer while watching a mariachi band at a cultural center (those are the dudes in the picture on the top of the post) and went shopping in town. We purchased three prints by a very talented Surrealist artist, Remedios Varo, after having the store owner enthusiastically tell us the "story" of each painting. I think that speaking to that man, and spending time just gazing at those paintings, was one of my favorite parts of the entire trip. We couldn't leave that store without taking home at least one of those prints.

We took a bus out to LA and back again, and that was a good idea because the whole thing cost us only $31 roundtrip for two tickets. Not too bad-- I'd recommend it because they are nice, comfortable buses and sometimes they even show movies onboard to help pass the time. The only problem was, I don't think the company has all the kinks worked out yet, because we had to wait about an hour on the first part of the trip since the bus broke down in Phoenix, and then coming home we couldn't get a straight answer about what time we would arrive back in Tempe. Was it 9pm or 11pm? Turned out it was 11pm. Either way, it was still better than driving ourselves and paying for all that gas. We got to sleep, read and zone out while someone else did the driving, which was really worth it.

Overall? I am glad we went away and had that time to ourselves, and got to see some of the things we saw. However, I doubt we would do a cruise again. It's not for us. Next time, we just go somewhere on our own and make up our own schedules as we go along. And hopefully, stay far away as possible from any mobs of morons. This is probably a pipe dream...where on earth is really devoid of moron-mobs, anyway?...but one can wish. Maybe our next trip will be to the middle of nowhere, North Dakota, or something.

I'm just glad to be back!