NEGLECT!

I thought of something to say to someone who hasn't updated their blog in a really long time: "If your blog were a baby, it would have died in a hot car by now."

Problem is, I am a wimp and I would never have the chutzpah to ever really say that to the lapsed bloggers. I'll just keep being passive agressive. It's way better that way.

I neglect a lot of things, myself. I neglect my hair. I only get it trimmed maybe twice a year, and even then I go for the cheapest, most bargain-basement GreatClipsSuperCut deal I can find. And I leave with a wet head. Like some idiot. ("Hey, look at that girl with the wet hair over there, shuffling her way across the parking lot! She must be one of them poor welfare idiots I've heard about!")

I neglect my fingernails. I don't paint them much. And I only clip and file them after they've grown to their ugly, flat and long usual proportions. My fingernails are healthy for the most part, so that's good. But they grow so that they are very wide at the top. My sister calls them "Pope fingernails" because they grow in the shape of the Pope's hat. I do try to keep my Pope fingernails in order, but I'll admit that I don't spend a lot of time remembering I have fingers in the first place, so the time between clip-n'-files gets pretty long sometimes.

I neglect to eat a balanced diet everyday. It's too much work. I love vegetables and fruit, so that's in my favor. And I prefer chicken and turkey to red meat, sure. But I do eat an improper amount of sugar each day. And with all the Healthy Choice dinners I've been eating lately, my sodium intake is probably pretty high. Eat healthy? Yeah, sure. I'll start tomorrow. Or sometime. Can I have another cupcake, please?

I neglect to clean my car. Seriously, don't look at my back seat right now. It looks like a dog exploded back there. It might be the worst it's ever been. Actually, you probably couldn't look into my back seat because the windows are so smeared up with dog snot and saliva that all you'll see is a haze of white on the gray seats. A haze of fuckin' filth.

I neglect to think. More often than not, my attention span ruins life for me. I hear things, and then they just fluttter away like so much feathers on the wind when the next thing comes along to think about. You might ask me about something we talked about last week and I will have NO IDEA what you're talking about. But I could tell you the plot of the last It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I could try harder to retain information, and challenge myself to engage my brain, but do I do it? Nope. I'll just coast through life being this stupid for as long as I can get away with it, I guess.

I neglect the homeless and orphans. But doesn't everyone? It's not like they're real people.

So as you can see, I am a neglectful person without a lot of worth to add to this society. Yet, here I am! And until someone shoots me down in a blaze of glory like my hero, Jon Bon Jovi*, I am not going anywhere, either.

*Yes, I know that Jon Bon Jovi was never actually shot, and he is still supposedly alive. I know that it was only a song. But it was an AWESOME song, and I intend to continue to let it guide my life's path. As I have since I first heard it back in the early 90s. It's rare a song speaks to one's soul so well.