SNAPPIN' TIME
It's bad because I started the 11:00 hour today by doing a Google search on the phrase "nervous breakdown."
I'm not there yet. I'm close.
I know I shouldn't talk about work stuff, but suffice to say this morning I came in to find out that a profile I was planning to write for an upcoming issue fell apart because the dude was let go from his company last week. This is the second profile in only two months where this exact thing has happened, and I am forced to scramble to find replacement stories and people to interview. It's NOT an easy thing to do. Also today: several of my articles are in the toilet after being reviewed by the editorial review board...I have all kinds of rewrites and "pulls" to do (gotta find even MORE replacement editorial, yay!) all the while still trying to get my normally-scheduled work done. I've had a string of stupid, terrible luck the past 6 months or so with bad articles; not ones I have written, but ones I have recruited. Every time I have to go back and pull an article at the last minute and drop everything, it pushes my on-time projects back by however much time it takes me to clean up the mess. So, in essence, everything's been backed up. I HATE being late on things! Today, it's just really freaking me out and I want to let my frustrations out by simply going to Crazyville. My self-control reserves are at capacity...not gonna hold much longer...she's gonna blow! And not in the dirty way!
It isn't just work, either. Life's a messy thing in general, and with stress comes an increase in bad headaches and a desire-to-sleep. I've only been able to sleep through the night sporadically lately, though, so it's all screwed up. I just know my new MO is to come home from work and take a nap. Lame.
And do not get me started on my book. This week I experimented with chopping up some chapters I've already written, moving things around and adding new bits where appropriate, blah blah blah. And it isn't working. In fact, I wrote a terrible scene where I made my beloved protagonist do something completely out of character and way too disturbing, thinking it would add more "drama" (yeah, it's in quotes for a reason) to the plot and take it in a direction that would be more exciting than the current expanded narrative. I wrote it two days ago and it's bothered me ever since. So I have to go back and take it out, for the good of the book AND for my own viewpoint of the character. Now, I THINK I have an idea of what I am going to do to fix things up, but I am supposed to be thinking about my JOB and the stuff I have to edit and write in order to collect a paycheck.
Here's an idea, Me: don't get a job where you have to write all day because it will suck all the energy for your FUN WRITING away. Maybe do something else in your next life besides business writing. Floral arrangement, perhaps?
I hope that anyone who's still reading this lame blog even as I go through this summer's funk is having a much better day than I am. Go run around and laugh...blow some bubbles, dance in the grass, hug your kid or your dog... just enjoy whatever you are able to do. It's important.
6 comments:
I'm so sorry your day sucks and that you are stressed. I wish I had some nice calming words for you, but instead I have this dire warning: do NOT go into floral arranging. It's generally much colder and wetter than you might originally think and you spend waaaay too much time stressing about corsages and boutonnieres once prom time comes around. Trust me. I've been there.
I have a whole new outlook on floral arranging now.
Hope the funk passes soon.
I haven't seen you this depressed since The Great Pickle Mis-count of 1986.
Just remember when you're feeling down, there's always that chocolate cake you left in my fridge. And the milk!
I love ya, Schwester. You'll get through this crap.
:)
Christina- Thanks. :) I'm trying to put it all aside. Interesting info about the floral arrangement business, there. I didn't know you'd done that! It doesn't sound fun to be cold and wet... and yeah, you're right, prom season would suck ass. Thanks for the inside scoop! Perhaps I will take up baby kitten rescue or something.
Pixie- You'd think that putting flowers into pretty arrangements would be calm, relaxing work, right? Who doesn't like flowers? Good thing we have Christina to keep us all on the straight and narrow, though... she's been in the shit. She knows.
Trish- We went back and checked and I SWEAR we had the correct number of pickles, but Seamus McHaggarty insisted we go back and do another count...man, I hated being wrong. Papa was so disappointed he threatened to give me 10 lashes when we got home! Lucky for me, Papa was but an "old softie" when it came to us and our pickle hobby. OH-- and thanks for the reminder about that cake!! How could I have forgotten my cake?! I'll be over there ASAP. You can go ahead and drink that milk. Drink it right up.
Won't they let you start interviewing bloggers and submitting articles on that?
Get one of those Japanese sand gardens. You know, with the little rake to swirl sand around while you're thinking... I've always wanted one of those.
In fact, a friend/class participant just this week mentioned wanting to be able to do yoga in her office and I said "why not? In fact, decorate the office like a yoga studio: with the sand garden, a bubbling fountain, one of those lucky bamboo plants, some gauzy sheer material draped over the lamps/lights/windows... yoga mat in the corner. And set your alarm to go off every hour, so that you get up, and take a break with a few yoga poses."
You know... since you probably can't bring the palm tree machete to work...
Who would have thunk floral arranging would be filled with stress. Makes me wonder if my fall-back job plan of stationary store manager would not be as soothing as it sounds. I mean, how can you get worked up about paper? (Although I guess the folks at The Office would disagree)
I hope your bad day got better. And don't worry about your book. Things will come around. When you are less stressed I bet the story just flows out. :)
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