I have been having the strangest dreams lately. And they've been gory. If you don't want to read anything gory, stop reading now. But if you are OK with it, I am going to talk about them because frankly I want to get them off my chest and I have nothing else to write about at the moment, so here's what I dreamed in the past week that qualified as "alarming":

* A dream where nameless man and I are beating up this guy Rod with boards and kicking him very hard in the face and stomach, and he turns into another guy who happens to be playing Macbeth in a play I once saw, and he starts crying and begging us for mercy and I lose it in the dream... I can't go on beating him, but we know we have gone too far and need to "put him out of his misery" at this point. I woke up before we dealt a death blow. Whew.

* A dream in which my Granny is dead (she did die in 1995) and the policy at the hopsital where she died was to drain the body of blood and cut it up into parts and seal them in a big Rubbermaid storage tub, which looks exactly like the teal-and-purple one I have in my real-life living room right now. Anyway, my job as the granddaughter was to go and wash the body parts and prepare them for this elaborate funeral ceremony. Apparently, in the dream, this was just the way we as a society did things. There was nothing unusual about this process of washing your dead relative's body parts. When I woke up, I was grossed out though.

* Rosie O'Donnell is eating some sort of Hungarian goulosh out of a big bowl at some press conference, and she lifts her head up and the whole bottom half of her face is gone and she is sort of like a demon-vampire thing with a leering smile like the Gentlemen in the Buffy episode, "Hush." It was really scary! (I think I dreamed this because of the thing Horatio Sanz did on Weekend Update on SNL this week; where one side of him was Nice Rosie and the other half was Scary Mean Lesbian Rosie. Was I the only person creeped out by that sketch? And I was surely not the only person who thought that SNL's cast SUCKS right now and the writing is even worse. I didn't laugh once. Bring back Will Ferrell!)

Those are a sampling of my dreams. Oh, I should also note that I was lucky enough to catch a showing of "Motel Hell" on AMC on cable this weekend one night. This is the movie that scarred me for life and started me off on a weird trajectory in which I am afraid of guys running around with chainsaws while wearing a pig's head on their heads and of being buried in the ground with my larynx cut out so I can't scream. Other little girls were watching cute things like Sigmund and the SeaMonsters or Solid Gold in the early 80's. I was the weird kid sneaking downstairs and seeing Motel Hell on TV at age 7. (I saw that other shit too, but it was Motel Hell that made the true impression. I was too young to catch the humor at the time.)

OK, I'm done. Thanks for reading. Go rent Motel Hell so we can discuss it.