I slipped and fell down some stairs today!
I had parked on the top floor of a parking garage, and because it's been raining for the past two days, the surface of said parking garage was wet. And so were the concrete stairs leading down to the ground level, where I had to go in order to enter the building where my mortgage company is located. So there I was on my lunch hour, getting ready to go sign some Very Important Papers or whatever they were, and I'm in my work clothes (AKA: nice pants).
I take the first step, and I slip. My ankle twists painfully and my leg collapses above it. My ass slams down on the stairs behind me; I immediately feel "wet" soaking through to my ass and thighbacks (is thighbacks a word?). I was still down there, feeling out my ankle to see if any damage was done as I struggled to my feet, when I started wondering if anyone saw me fall. I probably looked good and funny, and I say that because I know how hilarious it is to see people fall on their asses. Also, I happened to vocalize this time, too. I yelled something like, "Arrrwow!" as I tried to prevent the slip from happening. They say a vocal release during anything physical heightens the experience-- be it tennis, or sex, or, hey, falling down the stairs of a parking garage. So all I am saying is, if I had seen or heard myself, I would have definitely enjoyed the laugh.
Now I was all wet and sloppy, and slightly limpy. I made it into the office and tried to "smooth away" the damage. Why do we do that? We get wet, for instance, and start wiping at the wet spot with our hand. As if human skin is an absorbent material or something. Our hair gets all swooshed around in the wind, and our first instinct is to rub our tubby hands all over it, when what's really needed is a fucking brush. We are such a touchy species. And that would explain my current parole stipulations, but that's neither here nor there. That kid had quite a wrinkle on the front of those BabyGap onesies, was I supposed to just ignore it?
All this falling-down-the-steps reminds me of something that, all these years later, still makes me giggle: Eddie Murphy's Aunt Bunny Falls Down the Steps bit. "OHlordhelpmeJesusohGodplease!!" thumpthumpthumpthump "My shoe!" thumpthumpthumpthumpthump. Comic AU.
2 comments:
I'm sorry to read about your spill on the stairs. My window at work overlooks a 2 story parking garage where I saw someone fall down the stairs once. It was raining and he was rushing over to the staircase when he tumbled out of sight. I thought to myself, "geez, I should see if that guy is alright", but then he appeared again limping back up the stairs. He got back in his car and drove away. I guess whatever he was here to do could wait. It was a sad sight.
I fall up the stairs at my house all the time. My size 13 feet paired with my frequent urgency to get upstairs makes for a hazardous combination. Especially when I am carrying an armload of stuff and a full glass of milk. I did notice that the milk made my hair silky smooth though.
For the record, "thighbacks" does not appear to be a word, but you should surf over to Urban Dictionary and add it! Words that were close included "thigh brows" and "thigh bruise".
The Aunt Bunny bit was hilarious! I had totally forgotten about it. You rule for reminding me.
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