Today's headline: "Prostitution Ring Busted; Pimps Escape"
The story is located here: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/
0927hookerraid27-ON.html.
The phrase PIMPS ESCAPE works on so many levels.
At first I read it wrong, and thought it said: CHIMPS ESCAPE. Chimps are known to make a run for it from time to time. Sure, sometimes they go into attack mode and tear into people's genitals and such. But chimps are wily little buggers, right? And you can totally imagine them "escaping." Especially, ESPECIALLY if said chimps were involved in a horrible prostitution ring. Talk about one of the ugliest blights on our society: chimps forced to have sex with people for money. My God, this is what Jesus was talking about when he flipped out at the temple that time and yelled at all the sinners. THIS. That's what he was talking about. (If you don't believe me, and wonder where in the Bible it says anything about whore-chimps, I dare you to go read it yourself.)
Then, it hit me: This is funny as-is. Pimps escape! They flee! They hunker down and bust on outta there when the going gets tough. Billy Ocean sang about it: "When the goin' gets tough! The pimps get goin'! When the sex gets rough, the pimps get tough, hey hey hey hey he-hey!" (I should probably refrain from future "singing" bursts on this blog...)
I like the image of pimps escaping. They have a hard time hiding behind dumpsters and cars because the long feathers in their pimp-hats keeps sticking out. Their gold chains clatter together and alert the old lady who's feeding her cats on the porch that they are squatting in her bushes. (Pimps? Squatting? In BUSHES? No!)
I wish there was an old-timey news report on the air right now:
(Sound of old-timey typewriter in the background.) ANNOUNCER: "Be on the lookout! Three very bad men called Pimps are on the streets tonight after a cowardly Sunday escape. These pimps will do their worst to you and your daughters. Lock yer windows! Close up the barn! Whatever you do, do not open your doors to these pimps!"
The Pimps Have Escaped.
5 comments:
the bible does talk about chimp pimps. It's in the book of Daniel, near the beginning I think.
Bless both pimps and chimps. They are so ripe for parody.
"Pimps Escape" sounds like a pimps only spa where they can go to get away from all the pressure and stresses of keeping their hos in line
Ahhh...pimps. My new favorite subject.
Don't get me wrong, I still love me some of that hot chimp action.
The first time I saw an animal humping something-- it was a little rhesus monkey humping a pole or tree branch in his enclosure at the Turtle Back Zoo in NJ. The memory shaped me into the monkey-lover I remain to this day.
laughing hard...
oh...and the verification word right now is "flrnutz." that's good verification.
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