Collard Greens, Posing for Pictures and Dog Discipline
I never had collard greens before. I realized this last night as we were watching Alton Brown on the Food Network. He was making some dish with collard greens and minced garlic, butter and red pepper flakes and it really looked appealing to me. I tried to look up the recipe from the show we saw last night, but alas, it is not on the internet anywhere. So my question is-- does anyone have any good collard greens recipes and/or insight to these vegetables? Are they good, or do they suck? I’d rather eat something good instead of something that sucks, to be perfectly honest with you.

I tried Greg’s homemade chili last night—well, I tasted it. It has pork in it, so I won’t eat it by the plateful, but I did get to taste the saucy-part. It was delicious. He made about five gallons of it; it has taken at least three days to complete, as it’s a multi-step process with grilling the meat, adding the spices, slow cooking it, and then I guess packing it in containers that will allow us to store five gallons of chili in our freezer and refrigerator. He is bringing a large amount of it with him to Iowa tomorrow, where he will go to ISU’s homecoming festivities for the last time as a bachelor. I’m going to miss him a lot. It’s the first time he’ll be away since I moved in with him almost a year ago. But I won’t get into all that wussy stuff; I wanted to say he makes what I would imagine passes for Very Good Chili. (I’ve never had chili except for some watery stuff they served at camp one time…yup, the good camp, 4H Camp… and I didn’t like it so I threw it away that time.)

I’ve got this urge to try new foods lately. What’s up with that? I am the pickiest, fussiest eater I know. Yet here I am, suddenly wanting to challenge my palate a little. Shake things up in Tongue Town. Send ripples through Gullet Gulch. Things like that. I even tried hot salsa a few weeks ago. Mind you, I have a stomach like paper and taste buds like premature infants, so I keep everything relatively mild…so the fact that I dipped my chips in the hottest salsa was muy impresionante. Well, to me, anyway.

Moving off of the food topic now. Tonight, we are having our engagement photo taken. I realize that we are getting married in less than one month, and it might appear strange that we are doing it ONLY now, but we have been busy and this hasn’t been a priority for us. Plus we lost a lot of prime photo-taking time when we had to cancel our contract with the scam artist photographer and find a new one. Now that we have a guy, we are testing him out in a way by having him take pictures of us tonight at sunset. I feel weirdly nervous about having my picture taken. And it’s not just because I have Reverse Anorexia. (I mean that I look in the mirror everyday and see a normal-sized, nice looking lady. But then someone takes my picture and OH MY GOD I am puffy! I am in Chubby Denial. I might need to go into rehab for this crap. Time will tell if I beat this thing on my own.)

I just don’t know much about the traditional wedding process, in general. It’s been a wake-up call, if you will, going through this whole wedding-planning process -- I don’t know how a LOT of things are done, etiquette-wise or just plain party-wise. For instance, I am really not sure I can visualize what an “Engagement Photo” should look like. I do know I don’t want a posed Sears-portrait-lookin’ mess; Greg cannot stand behind me with a hand on my shoulder as I grin the triumphant grin of She Who Has Landed Herself a Man. I’m not sure we can do some soft-focusy kiss-pose, either. I will laugh. So, I guess we’ll just leave it up to fate tonight and see how it goes. I hope my “Big German Head” doesn’t look bad, and that my gaggle of chins will ease on back into my neck seamlessly and without raising a fuss.

I’m kind of working on some other stuff lately. I have been sending ideas to Kane for short films he wants to make. I had a good one yesterday while I was driving home regarding a baby who craps precious jewels and metals. See, this is the kind of thing I come up with when I let my mind wander—I picture a diaper full of rubies and emeralds. Is that odd? I dare say it is NOT! It’s just how I roll.

I’ve also got some other short story ideas in the works all of the sudden. So hopefully, I haven’t jinxed myself by writing about it here.

I need to beat my dog. He is a misbehaving son of a bitch. He’s driving us MAD, mad I tell you! He ran out of the house yesterday morning and would not come to us when we called and chased him down. He barks at the window and doesn’t listen when we tell him to come to us and stop barking. He basically has NO RESPECT for us, and I think, especially me. He cowers for Greg, but not me. He’ll actually take the fucking play stance when I am yelling at him and then bark at ME with his tail wagging.

He is gonna die. When Greg’s out of town this weekend, I am coming down hard on that dog’s ass. Forget Dog Whisperin’…I am going all Dog Shrieker this weekend. I have to. Without the alpha male around, I’ve got to assert my leadership or Indy could destroy the entire house and all of us in it this weekend. I don’t trust that dog. Still…he is very cute. And that simple fact has kept him alive.

How bad is it that last night I dreamt that Indy stuck his head through the screen of the front window, and I pulled him back into the house and dragged him to the crate, and then the Dream-Me was trying to decide just how I wanted to break his legs. I am an animal lover, and would never dream of hurting anything…and here I am, dreaming about fracturing my dog’s legs by either slamming them in a door or using super-human strength to snap ‘em. See what this dog has done to me and my subconscious?!

I should probably get some work done today. I’m sure someone around this office needs me for something. Or…not. I am not even sure they know I am IN today. No one cares ‘bout ol’ Lisa! (And now, I shuffle off with my head down, Little Tramp style…)