I get angry very easily these days at trends. The latest trend I am getting really tired of is the Atkins diet.

OK, I assume that there are probably several people who read this that are currently on or have tried this diet. I will probably offend you. But listen, the thing is, this is America and I can say what I want! So here's your gag... sit quietly over there until I am done, with that tightly in your mouth. Ready?

I really can't stand how people are constantly talking about how they can't eat carbs. Carbs are in almost everything we eat. It's really very hard to escape carbs; so just eat some but with moderation. What's wrong with that? We were planning a birthday celebration here at work and there were concerns that the people who are on the Atkins diet can't eat cake, pizza, or certain types of fruit, even. So could we please come up with an Atkins-friendly celebratory food?

Well, guess what, I came up with the perfect Atkins-friendly Birthday Celebratory Food-Type Item! Here's how it works: I carry in a big, glistening pitcher of delicious, cold WATER! Then we can all pour ourselves big, heapin' cups of water and drink till our sodium levels drop dangerously low. What fun!

Tricia put it best last night when she said she is suspect of any diet that tells you to avoid some fruits. Fruits are natural (granted, some are dusted with a wee bit o' pesticides, but at least they have a spot on the food pyramid). Yet you can eat a manufactured soy tortilla chip-food-product that's loaded with all types of preservatives. As long as I live, this logic will never make sense to me.

If you want a diet, here's a diet: eat less, exercise more. It's magical! The pounds will fall off you.

The other diet is to allow me to lock you in a house, chained to the radiator and not come and check on you for oh, about four years. That will have you losing weight so fast, you'll be amazed at the results. But unfortunately, you'll be dead. There is always a trade off. You will be such a sexy, skinny skeleton. Cripes, I really can't wait to see you in a bikini. Those tibulas of yours are probably HOT.