What's all this I hear about this new Hurricane "Larry"?

Tropical Storm Larry Sitting Still in Gulf of Mexico

MIAMI (Reuters) - Tropical Storm Larry, the 12th storm of an active Atlantic hurricane season, churned in the southwestern Gulf of Mexico on Thursday and showed little inclination to move.

Yup, sitting still; no inclination to move... that sure sounds like a Larry.

Larry is a funny name for a hurricane. I expect names like Thor, Big John, Leroy, Bruce... but not Larry. Hurricanes are getting so pussyfied lately, it is disgraceful. Larry-- I am not going to board up MY windows for some "Larry." Fuck that.

I wish there was a guy named Larry in my office. I wish this fictional Larry guy would be a real hard ass when it comes to office supplies. For instance, if you tried to take a whole pack of Post-It notes back to your desk, he would flip out and say, "No, leave some for the rest of us!" He'd also be the first one ready to cut the cake at a birthday celebration... all anxious and squirrelly, he would stick his head in your office five minutes before "cake" and say, "C'mon, it's Cheryl's birthday! Cake time!" Some other guy who also doesn't work here, Rick, would always be coming up with excuses why he can't share a hotel room with Larry when they travel. "Larry is creepy, y'know?" he'd say out in the parking lot, where he would smoke with a mess of other fictional smokers that should work here but don't-- "He's always clearing his throat and then he has to unpack his little bag in the bathroom and leave his shit all over the counter. Who wants to see someone else's spitty toothbrush like that? Man, there's no WAY I am staying in with him. Barbara's gonna have to book a second room. Shit."

Ahh, the antics of Larry, Rick, Cheryl and Barbara would really bring this company together. But the cherry on top of this whole daydream for me would be the day Larry flies into a hissy fit because someone ordered the wrong type of paper for the laser printer. He'd lose it! And someone would undoubtedly wisecrack, "Hey watch out, here comes Hurricane Larry." It would be great.