If I was a cartoon, I think my character would be named Bloaty McBloatbelly. That's because I am getting to that age where I start to complain about "bloat."

What is bloat? I know, scientifically-speaking, it's water-retention. But does it really make that much of a difference? Can people visibly notice the bloat, or is it all in the eye of the bloat-ee? I always wonder that. Because when people say, "Oh, I am so bloated today," I look at them and think to myself, "Well, damn, she doesn't look any different than all the other days I see her." I always think this.

Anyway, today I feel like I have a case of the bloats. But I think I can track the reason. I ate a bowl of something yummy called Lasagna in a Bowl today for lunch. Then I had soda. I feel like my stomach looks about four months' preggers, but I know if I asked anyone they would say, "Oh, you look fine." Because either a)bloat doesn't really show or b) "they" are liars.

My cartoon would have me saving kittens from fires, and prying open elevator doors (even when people aren't trapped). The theme song would be something like this:
"Ole' Bloaty McBloatbelly/ she will save the day
Bloaty McBloatbelly/ look out, she's on the way!
She always has an answer
Can always lend a hand
But watch out for her bloated belly
It's the largest in the land!"

A superhero who saves the innocent, and those that maybe don't openly "want" to be saved. The catch is she has an enormous bloated belly. I have a feeling this will be very big in Japan. And if not there, probably some other market like Finland would do the trick.

I honestly wish right now I had some brownies. Anyone got a brownie? Preferably with frosting? Mmmmm. Must. Complete. Bloat. Cycle.