I'm sick. I have chest congestion and a bunch of other symptoms of sick that are just too boring and whiny to list here. But my point of blogging today is this:

People are disgusting!

My story begins this way: I went to bed really early last night-- 9:00. So that means I woke up really early today. I was up and walking the dogs at 6am today. Very unusual. Luckily I am working from home today so that makes my sick life better, but anyway I realized as I was walking them that I needed some medicine. I recalled that there's some newfangled 'severe congestion' OTC medicine, so I got all gussied up (this means I put on clean underwear and deodorant)and went over to the grocery store at 6:30am.

Even at 6:30am, the assholes are out. Not that many customers were in the store at that hour, which I thought was awesome. I was able to run through and get the majority of what I wanted.

I wanted some ice cream. Why not, I figured; I am SICK and when you are SICK you are allowed to eat whatever the hell you want. And ice cream is what they give SICK people in the hospital when they have throat problems, and I have throat problems. All my logic seemed to be in order, so I ambled down the ice cream aisle to get some ice cream.

Except COUGHING LADY was in my way. This old lady wearing a smelly T-shirt with the American Flag and an eagle on it, with leggings and crappy-looking black sneakers was standing in my way. Right in front of the case with the ice cream I wanted. She was leaning over her cart, looking through a very messy and very gross-looking stack of coupons, and coughing. OK, now I have a cough at the moment, but it's not hacking and wet-sounding, and plus I have some self-control and I had copious amounts of tissue in my pocket to cover my mouth with in case I had to cough in public.

This hag, however, was leaning over those coupons (you know how paper gets gray and germy-looking when dirty old people hold it? That was the color and frayed-edginess of these coupons) blocking my way to the hallowed ice cream. So I did what anyone would do. I said, "Excuse me."

She glanced up at me and actually looked back to her coupons and coughed some more. I heard a death-rasp in there. I asked her again, and she inched her cart up maybe about 4 inches without looking at me. This was weird.

Finally, I attempted a reach for the freezer case handle. Maybe she would get the message and move up more so I could get in there. And as I am reaching, she suddenly comes alive. She pushes the cart out into the middle of the aisle and announces, "They make a lot of ice cream and it's so hard to find the one on the coupon!"

She then stands next to me as I take out my chosen ice cream, and then weasels next to me and pushes the door open all the way and stands there, WAY too close to me, and is looking at the ice cream. I backed out, now that that I had my ice cream. And the bitch starts COUGHING at the ice cream with her goddamn mouth open.

THIS is why I get sick. Why we ALL get sick. Inconsiderate, unwashed, nasty, weird old bitches. They are the carriers of the forbidden deathfunk.

It was just a weird encounter. Then, I go to pay and there is just one register open since there are only strange, coughing customers in the store. By default, I am included in this icky little population at the moment. An old man was ahead of me, talking about his illness (God! Stop it with the sick already!) to the cashier, who was also an old dude. But this guy had to of course, stand there and keep talking about his ulcers long after he was rung up and given his total. And then, he had to write a check. Of course. Of course. I was starting to feel my throat swell up and I knew I needed to leave real soon so I could have my own coughing fit (in my preferred place, which is not the dirty grocery store but the solitude of my own car). Finally, he left and I was waited on. It took me about a minute to get all done, including paying.

The bagging lady was an old lady too (I guess only the elderly will work that early), and don't you know it. As she handed me my bags she said in a rattly old-smoker voice, "Have a nice day." And as I walked away, I heard her coughing hard. A wet, disgusting cough.

Oh, man. I am never going shopping AGAIN. I want to be healthy, damn it! Healthy! Is that so much to ask? Christ!