OK, if you have delicate sensibilities (what the hell are those?!) or you are my Mom, maybe you don't want to read the following information. So I advise "you people" to stop reading now and go check out the news, or something appropriately safe and friendly.

If you are still reading, bravo to you. Because now you get to find out about the lovely e-mail I got on my work account this morning!

My work e-mail account is blessedly devoid of filth. I manage not to get any spam e-mail, or anything nasty on that thing because we have an actual IT department that does a great job of filtering that stuff out. (Not like my last job, where the IT guy was an angry Frenchman who would basically laugh at all of us dumb Americans and let us wallow in mountains of junk mail because he said there "vas nothink he could dooo about eeet.") As much as I like me the corn with a P, I don't like it when it arrives in multiples of 37 each morning. So this job has been nice and clean.

Until today.

One got through. One little spammer made it through the security nets and landed a "juicy one" on my Outlook. I was a little shaken to see it there, to be honest. I wondered if my computer had been compromised in some way, and now was going to be defiled with this crap everyday, or wind up in trouble from that super-efficient IT department for allowing filth into this fair, decent company. I pointed my mouse at it, highlighted it and got ready to hit that "X" in my toolbar to erase the wickedness once and for all!

Then, I read the subject line.

"The safe way to drown your girlfriend in yur cum."

It's funny on so many levels. The least of which is probably that misspelled "yur" at the end. The most of which is the idea that YES, there really IS a safe way to keep the bitch afloat during these trying times of ejaculatory pleasure. Wow. My eyes are open, and I am willing to learn. More than willing. I NEED to know how this miracle is performed. Maybe at some point I will do a little research (at home! On my home computer! Of course!!) into this intriguing idea. I am a good, Christian girl, and I wouldn't mind putting my editor/writer skills to work to write a little brochure/pamphlet/leaflet/paperlet that I can hand out to the Unfortunates and the Down N Outs in the Rough Side of Town to give them good, practical, Christian advice to avoid the tragedy of drowning in the bedroom. I can do my part to stop this senseless killing. For, there IS a safe way to do this! I will spread the word!

Well, to be honest, I probably won't. I will just sit back, let the ugliness happen somewhere else. I wish I was the charitable type of Christian, but let's face it... I'm not. I believe more in natural selection. Let 'em go.

I wonder if more nuggets of sexual advice will find their way to my work e-mail account in the future! If they do, I sure hope they are as amusing as my old (now deleted) pal, The Safe Way to Drown Your Girlfriend in Yur Cum. Magnifique!